I thought you’d enjoy some helpful tips while I‘m wandering the highways and byways. (Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for irresponsible use of any tips listed below. You‘re on your own! )
1. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives then you’ll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Well, hopefully, these tidbits have solved one or two of your problems.
***Remember, I accept no responsibility for unaccepted results from the use of any of these tips.