Old Age -- She is a’comin’…

Gawd, I feel old this week!! It all started with the normal stuff - achy knees, dry, patchy skin, those gray roots sneaking out around my part, etc. The Big Guy and I have been discussing retirement issues frequently as he has already given his notice, however, he is dawdling a bit. The conversation is mostly with himself. I just listen. He’s had a few “old person” medical issues over the last year or two and those discussions also take up a fair amount of our time.

A few days ago, I spent the better part of a day trying to clean my eyelashes of those little dry flakes one often has in the morning. That was, until I realized there were no flakes there, some of my eyelashes are turning white!!! I stopped trying to remove them and bought a new tube of mascara!

I’ve been stymied by the mystery of my white eyebrows for years. My hair has a relatively small amount of gray for my age. I think. I base this opinion on my roots as they begin to grow out. I haven’t gone natural in years although I did let it grow out a little within the past year! Mostly just to see what color it really is! About five years ago, I began to notice occasional white hairs in my brows. The Big Guy and his brother are both silver gray (The Big Guy has actually reached white) and have been graying since their early twenties. Neither of them have any gray or white hairs in the brow area. My female friends also claim not to have white hairs in their brows (but I do wonder about their degree of honesty when it comes to these things!) I, of course, initially plucked those hairs. As they became more pervasive, I learned to accept them. I don’t use a lot of makeup and tend not to use an eyebrow pencil but, on occasion, have touched them up when making up.

Well, I took those white lashes and brows right out to visit with my newest great-godchild later in the week. (That generation is growing WAY too fast!!!) The old knees didn’t go up steps well while carrying a tiny baby. I made a mental note that my babysitting days there will have to use a changing pad on the floor as I can’t run up and down to the changing table. (That’s assuming I can get up and down off the floor these days!)

One of the on-line forums I enjoy had a posting today criticizing the input of some trolls and one poster referred to some of them as “those women in their 50s, like my mom, with nothing better to do than criticize!” Are there age limits to these general interest forums?

Then, as other women my age do, I sat down to read for relaxation's sake. Again, I was hit by a blow from the old age fairy! (We’re not even going where those reading glass comments might lead!!) In Dying for Chocolate by Diane Mott Davidson, the author has the heroine take a job as a live-in personal cook for a couple “in their early 50s.” She goes on to describe them in terms associated with the elderly. She describes the wife as arthritic and walking with a cane and being a bit rambling in her conversations. The husband is described as tall with notable white hair and with a flaky personality inferred to be related to both his age and early retirement status. To quote my husband, The Big Guy, “I resemble that remark!” I was a little offended by the first references to this couple and their “aged” status. Then it dawned on me, the mental image I had of the man was that of my husband’s best friend! As I hobbled into the kitchen on a stiff knee to get a fresh glass of iced tea, I thought of the female half of that couple. Indeed, I DO resemble that remark!!

They say you’re as old as you feel. Well, today, I feel ANCIENT !!!! (Of course, I've been running around like a maniac prepping for this vacation. Lack of sleep could be a contributing factor.)

“Who IS this old man sleeping next to me?”

Everyone talks about the things that make them feel old but I think the biggie in my life lately has been the fact that I’m now married to what appears to be an “OLD” man. How did this happen? I mean, I know a few years have slipped by and, after all, he was a bit gray when we first met. (He found his first gray hair by age 21! His dad was white-haired by age 40.)

There have been little age-isms sneaking up on us all along the way. There were the obvious signs - reading glasses, which he insists get worn low on the nose and angled, an array of “daily“ pill bottles on the counter for blood pressure, sugar issues, cholesterol and arthritis! Then there were the little petty things that a wife notices (and friends are too kind to mention - at least in front of you.) Things like insisting on using exact change in the grocery store if he has it. I never thought I’d be with the old guy holding up the line to count out 21 pennies! Or, for that matter, the one handing off the stack of coupons and then questioning whatever one might kick out. Of course, he very carefully reviews his receipt as he gets it to be sure they didn’t overcharge for the produce or such. Yes, I’m with the dude swimming in the ocean in a white T-shirt and baseball cap because “he burns easy.” (This began only a few years after we began dating!) In more recent years, he’s also worn those little nylon swim shoes into the water to protect his touchy tootsies. Then there’s the specially shaped neck pillow in bed and the afghan draped over his lap in the evening. Oh yeah, and the evening “naps” in the Lazyboy!

Don’t even get me started on the bed habits. I didn’t know it was possible to snore in all those positions! I try to sleep through the clearing the throat routine in the morning. We saw Bill Cosby do his live routine about this back when we were young. We thought it was hilarious then. I should have realized he was just further along the timeline than we were.

There is an upside to your hubby getting older. They generally need to make more restroom stops frequently. Cross country trips are much calmer when you’re not always the one saying you need to make a pit stop. Few have been my idea for several years now. I just enjoy them as they occur.

Well, sometime in this past year I’ve had disturbing thoughts about him getting really old. There have been numerous times at restaurants, malls, festivals etc. when I realized the elderly man walking toward me with the old man shuffle was MY man! I’ve worried when he came in from shoveling snow or working in the yard, huffing and puffing and a bit flushed from the exertion. There have been times when he made the strangest noises while sleeping that I actually watched to be sure he kept breathing. (I don’t confide those moments to him, of course.) There was the time it dawned on me that he was now several years older than my dad was when he passed on.

The real wake-up call was when he scheduled a Total Knee Replacement. And, provided this one goes well, he plans to do the other one in the foreseeable future, too!

The doctor finally stopped telling him he was too young for the procedure. I guess he really is OLD !!!

(***The bad news is, he didn’t rob the cradle. I’m only a few years younger. What does that say about ME?)