Words of Wisdom from the mouths of babes!

Having just celebrated Mother's Day, let's take a look at the wonderful wisdom of children and why we love them so!

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Gotta' love'em!!!

Witty Words of Wisdom from Women

The Big Guy and I joined two other couples for dinner last night at the new home of our close friends. In the normal style of these get-togethers, the women gravitated toward the kitchen where we stood around the table chatting while our guys grabbed beers and settled in to talk in the adjoining family room.

On the way home, we discussed some of the information exchanged at the get-together. I definitely believe the women discussed more substantial and useful subjects. Long referred to as "the fairer sex," perhaps we should use the term "wiser sex."

For a few examples of female wisdom, read on ...

Estate Planning:
Joe was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will pass and I'll inherit his large fortune."

Impressed, the woman took his business card. Three months later, she became Joe's stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men !!
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Breakfast Special:

A friend and her mom went out for breakfast at a local eatery where the special was "two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99." Her mom told the waitress, "That sounds good but I don't want the eggs."

"Then, I'll have to charge you $4.75 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned.

"So," Mom exclaimed, "I have to pay for NOT taking the eggs?" After a second's thought, Mom said "I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," her mother replied.

She took the eggs home and used them in a batch of brownies later that day!

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Things Only Women Understand:
* Cats' facial expressions.
* Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
* The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white and eggshell.
* Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
* The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
* Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
* A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

I'm sure y'all can think of even more examples of women's wisdom!!

Christmas Countdown is Accelerating!

Okay, so you know what they say about the best laid plans. So much for my 30-Day Countdown to Christmas - I missed two days completely! I guess it's now down to a 24-Day Countdown.

Thanksgiving Day and the Friday and Saturday afterward seemed to fly by. I barely got my thoughts together, let alone find time to write them down. We don't do the big dinner at our house. We are always invited elsewhere and only need to bring one or two dishes. This does make life easy but I often do wish we had the gang here. I've only had a crowd for Thanksgiving Day once in my own home and I loved it. I also really like the leftovers which there are none of when you eat elsewhere. To make up for it, we always do a whole Thanksgiving style meal for ourselves somewhere around the actual holiday. This year, we did it a few weeks early and did have a guest couple to share it with. As we were leaving for two weeks, we ended up freezing the last of the leftovers and had our own mini-Thanksgiving meal with those last Monday. We've already purchased another turkey for the freezer and will do our own Christmas feast soon, too.

We did enjoy our holiday meal with The Big Guy's brother and his family at their house and were glad to spend time with a niece and nephew we haven't caught up with much this year. They're at that age where they really don't "waste" a lot of time with us old folks. We had a second holiday celebration with my cousins and other family members on Friday when we attended a "Pie Party." A change from the usual full holiday meal, this year everyone was to bring a pie and some sort of finger food or appetizer. This one was fun with a wide array of desserts and a slew of creative nibbles. I intended to take a Peanut Butter Pie made from a recipe my sister has had for years and I've made a few times along the way. However, I started playing on the web looking for even more creative variations and found a better recipe.

I made a few adaptations and received rave reviews for this one. It's a keeper!

Peanut Butter Pie:

2 - 9"cookie crumb crusts (I used chocolate cookie crusts. Original recipe called for graham cracker crusts and another suggestion was to use crushed Nutter Butter cookies. All are wonderful ideas and should work just as well.)
8 oz. cream cheese (lite will work)
1 1/2 C confectioner's sugar
1 cup of milk
1 cup peanut butter
16 oz. Cool Whip (low fat or sugar free will work - although, in the case of the latter, why bother?)
10 oz. chopped peanut butter cups - divided in half

In a large bowl, cream the cream cheese and sugar together. Beat in the peanut butter and milk. Fold in the Cool Whip. Stir in half of the chopped peanut butter cups. Fill both crusts with this mixture. Sprinkle the remaining pieces of peanut butter cups over the top of the pies. Chill in the refrigerator for at least three hours before serving. Original recipe called for freezing the pie which creates a more ice cream like consistency. Try one each way!!!

Crafts/Gifts:

As for today's craft/gift idea, try a slight variation on gift baskets. I suggest aprons with pockets for a favorite cook. Spend a few minutes decorating the apron with paints, appliques or even just laundry markers. If the apron is for Grandma, try tracing each child's handprint and labeling each with their name and age. Decorations can be as simple as printing food words all over like: saute, bake, broil, fry, etc. Stuff the pockets with all the ingredients needed for a special meal - for example : pizza crust mix, a jar of tomato sauce, seasonings, a pizza cutter etc. Just before presenting the gift, add a package of shredded cheese and a pack of pepperoni. For a young cook without all the normal kitchen accessories, run through the dollar store and fill the apron with things like wooden spoons, spatulas, etc. Add some recipe cards with some simple, tried and true recipes. If the recipient isn't the apron type, try putting all the cooking accessories in an appropriate pan or even one of the reusable "green" shopping bags available in most markets.

Word to live by:

I watched Disney's Ratatouille for the first time yesterday and loved it! If you're into food or are a Food Network junkie, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it, too. When the movie was over and they featured a few words from Walt Disney himself (Yes, I realize he died many years before this movie was ever imagined.), a phrase he used stuck with me and became my words of wisdom for the day -- "Always Move Forward!" Sounds like a great mantra!